tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77877145475739314692024-02-20T14:53:22.994+13:00You + Me and Baby Makes 3Our journey towards a family while living the country life in NZ.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-90365198188166119642015-09-22T22:37:00.001+12:002015-09-22T22:37:27.206+12:00This Stuff is HARDI just finished re-reading the first Harry Potter book. I may be 32, but I love children's literature. I was struck by the ending of the book. When Harry has to go back to the Dursleys for the summer, he is surprisingly upbeat about it. He knows what it's like there, he grew up in it. But he has a small kernel of knowledge now that changes everything. There's a spark in him that they can't stamp out and that makes him smile as he walks away from his school friends.<br />
<br />
I need to find that spark again in myself. When I get down about things in my life and struggle to find the motivation to get out of bed, I need to remember what my spark is. Here's the thing though, I'm not sure what it is anymore.<br />
<br />
It used to be working with children, but it's not that anymore.<br />
<br />
It used to be sewing, but it's not that anymore.<br />
<br />
It used to be dancing, but it's not that anymore.<br />
<br />
I know what it should be. It should be my faith. I should be joyful everyday to be alive and glorify my God because of that. Instead, I sideline that and forget to give thanks for the good things God has given me. I focus on the chores I need to do, the obligations I have in my life, the duties I have to do during the day. Ugh, that's a terrible way to live. So as I sit in bed, unwinding and going to sleep, I am making a change. I am not going to see tomorrow as a list of things I have to do. I will choose to see it as an opportunity and a gracious gift. Tomorrow is full of hope and promise and the chance to share the joy in my heart (or at least build it up).<br />
<br />
So while health issues abound, projects are unfinished at home, more time is spent away from my husband that with him, and work can be a pain at times...I will rejoice because I am alive and here and able to change my attitude about the situation, even if I can't change the situation.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-46526185948808308122015-08-16T22:27:00.002+12:002015-08-16T22:27:57.978+12:00Being Kind to MyselfIn church today, my pastor said something that struck me. It was a simple enough phrase, and something that I am all too much aware of, but tend to neglect. He said, "The most influential person in your life is you. You talk to yourself the most and know everything about yourself."<br />
<br />
You know what? It's so true.<br />
<br />
With Ginger on the night shift, I spend a large amount of my waking hours alone. Of course I have an inner monologue going on the whole time. Sometimes I can shut her up with a good book, but not often enough. Thinking about what the pastor said today makes me believe that my inner monologue doesn't like me very much. She tells me that I can't lose the weight. That I should just give in and have a burger and fries. <i>You'll never be as skinny as your sisters, so why try? Just don't go to the gym and if anyone asks, say you did. You don't deserve to be healthy and get a baby. You're too ugly and stupid for that.</i><br />
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Where did she come from?<br />
<br />
Where did this mean girl come from and why did she decide that I was to be the center of her ridicule? I grew up in a nice household. My parents loved me (still do) and encouraged me to be independent. I recall moving to the beat of my own drum through my teenage years and on into college. I have positive friends and a husband who adores me. So why do I have this voice in my head that makes me believe horrible things about myself?<br />
<br />
I honestly don't know. But I do know that I have to beat her. So when I feel like I can't win or can't do what I've set out to do, when I hear that nagging voice start to whisper, I shut her up. I tell myself that I am strong. I deserve to be healthy and happy. I deserve to be a healthy person so I can be an amazing mother, because I will be. One way or another, I will be a mother. I am loving and deserving of all the good things I have in my life and so much more.<br />
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It's hard sometimes, to be kind to myself. But I can only take it one day at a time. Right after I eat the last mini cupcake. :)<br />
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DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-10838005761334664402015-08-07T21:58:00.001+12:002015-08-07T21:58:05.161+12:00Fertility clinics and requirementsIt's been an interesting route Ginger and I have taken so far in our journey to become parents. Interesting from my perspective as an American, in any case. In the US, it's very common to have insurance that pays for infertility treatments or for people to simply pay out of pocket for it. In New Zealand however, there is a national healthcare system in place. Among other things- all GP visits for under 13s are free (in my area of NZ), prescription medicine is subsidized (we only pay around $5 per script for Ginger, which is awesome considering how many scrips he's on), flu shots are free for a large percentage of the population, and there is a system for publicly funded infertility treatment.<br />
<br />
Yes, you read that right. There is a way for a couple to get treatments up to and including IVF with ISCI for free. 100% free. It's mind-boggling to think about. But for Ginger and I, it's our only option.<br />
<br />
I only work part time and Ginger works more than full-time, but we just make enough to cover our basics and add to our savings. Our savings have taken a few hits the last few years with getting married, buying a car or two, and Ginger needing to take sick leave from work. So our savings aren't what we'd like, our mortgage is still two years away from being finished and we're looking at the short end of a stick with wages. Without public funding, we can't proceed with infertility treatment.<br />
<br />
After a referral in April and two more rounds of staph infections and antibiotics for Ginger, we have met with our doctor at Fertility Associates and have been processed for the waiting list for treatment. But guess what they didn't tell me. They didn't tell me that in order to be fully eligible, I need to lose weight.<br />
<br />
It's been a heartbreaking couple of days since I got that bit of news and it's just that. Heartbreaking. I want to be a mother. I want to start the next part of our lives. But every time I think we've got it sorted out and will make progress, some other bump appears on that road. It's not a massive amount of weight I have to lose for them, but it's just hard to accept that this has to happen in order to even get on the waiting list. Which is 10-12 months anyway. It's so far away, I can't even touch it.<br />
<br />
So I need to start making serious changes and this blog is going to be my journal. It's going to be brutal and not pretty. It's going to make me cry. Hopefully it doesn't make you cry too.<br />
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August 7th update:<br />
Weight: 92.1 kg<br />
Goal Weight: 87 kg (for the clinic), 75 kg for me<br />
Food diary:<br />
breakfast: 1/2 cup skim milk with 1 scoop of chocolate flavored health supplement<br />
Verdict: Satisfying<br />
lunch: large salad of spinach, kale, mushrooms, apple, carrot, ham, boiled egg, flaxseed and<br />
cheddar cheese<br />
Verdict: Surprisingly satisfying and felt full all afternoon<br />
snack: handful of vanilla sugar coated almonds, my weakness<br />
Verdict: I should have chosen plain almonds. But am weak with sweets.<br />
dinner: MacDonalds cheeseburger combo with cola.<br />
Verdict: I undid all the good I had done all day. Was craving some serious salt and<br />
carbs. Need to balance it during the day so I don't do this at night.<br />
Exercise diary:<br />
30 Day Shred after I had breakfast. Not bad, but could have done better.<br />
<br />
What needs to improve? Well, it's just been one day, so it's hard to be judgmental right now. I know I need to be better about my food. I'll be doing some meal prep and planning this weekend to make this coming week easier to stay on track. I need to exercise every single day. Doing something, anything to get the blood moving.<br />
<br />
So here we go. Ginger is going to help me and my sister is sending me information and a plan as well. Really have to be determined to lose the weight this time around because if I don't, we may never have a family and God knows how much I want that.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-77110915698651481532015-04-22T15:21:00.003+12:002015-04-22T15:21:40.336+12:00Coming through the other side<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been months now since I wrote on here. Months of agony, heartbreak, the one year mark, waiting for a referral to an RE and waiting longer for a diagnosis.<br />
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Waiting sucks.<br />
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The mourning process that we've been going though sucks too.<br />
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But I finally feel, for the first time in months, that things are where they should be. We still don't have a lot of answers and what answers we do have have given us more questions, but I don't quite feel so lost in this journey.<br />
<br />
I want to talk more about the process in NZ of moving on from our GP for care, but I'm not quite ready for that today. Today, though, is halfway through National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and I have decided to go public with our personal struggles with infertility. It has been an eye-opening week as people I didn't know had struggled with infertility have come forward as I have been posting information, links and images to my personal Facebook feed. It's heartbreaking to see so many people I know suffering the way that we are, but many of them have come through on the other side and have families now. There is hope for us after all. :)<br />
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Here's just a few of my favorite images from this week so far.<br />
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So for what it's worth...I'm glad to be back here and chronicling our journey from two to more.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-58942681327080460982014-08-20T15:49:00.001+12:002014-08-20T15:49:38.260+12:00It's been a long, cold winterYou know how you get started on something and are really determined to stick with it? You know what happens at some point in the process.<br />
<br />
Oops.<br />
<br />
Here's a quick catch-up of the last two months for Ginger and I.<br />
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- We were in a community theatre production of Cinderella at the end of July. So July was a blur because of rehearsals, prop-building, singing, choreography and late nights.<br />
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- I turned 31. Ginger and I went out to dinner and the movies. I don't remember what we saw. I think it was good though.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg14uhQ3eabguBfgQ-xUnZj1E2j6x1vQRnYvtCKW-EfesQEYW3Bt9gdH1XnGFLEzfC4pUL5c5UXk8e4foFCfTDuwWhwtjMsxZCoZbcuq4yTSN9CmPfHt5sggTD7rxkJ3KvkcYfP01ovy08/s1600/birthday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg14uhQ3eabguBfgQ-xUnZj1E2j6x1vQRnYvtCKW-EfesQEYW3Bt9gdH1XnGFLEzfC4pUL5c5UXk8e4foFCfTDuwWhwtjMsxZCoZbcuq4yTSN9CmPfHt5sggTD7rxkJ3KvkcYfP01ovy08/s1600/birthday.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Embracing older woman color- red. <br />First time I purposefully bought red. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVN1ZZhfTs0q19dxD2YSEqZiJxXpK09N4dojnbolGpQK66F7-ZgiqbKdyR5xbABOOX2zcNYHFbxoEZV8ehSyyv-M0YmnQOBr24145rBcUXSUxM7iO5KTWsW8aTyobs_SHi19yk0LZA7pk/s1600/pizza.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVN1ZZhfTs0q19dxD2YSEqZiJxXpK09N4dojnbolGpQK66F7-ZgiqbKdyR5xbABOOX2zcNYHFbxoEZV8ehSyyv-M0YmnQOBr24145rBcUXSUxM7iO5KTWsW8aTyobs_SHi19yk0LZA7pk/s1600/pizza.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is not trick photography. It was a GIANT pizza.</td></tr>
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- I finished my nannying job and have jumped back into job-hunting for a better paying job or a second part-time job (I still work with the old folks most days).<br />
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- Ginger has been fighting major skin allergies for the entire winter. Culminating in several doctor visits and a temporary relocation for us.<br />
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- Ginger has realized (in the last couple of days) that he can't keep doing the work he's doing. That's what is causing the skin rash to stick around. Ugh.<br />
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- I have gone through 4 more cycles with no BFP. Not even a late AF. Double ugh.<br />
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- I started doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.<br />
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That about sums it up. There's just so much going on and I am hoping that things will settle down again and we can get back to something normal. But I realized today that I need to be writing. I need to get my words out somehow and this blog is a better venue than facebook. Hope to see you soon.<br />
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ps- I also started doing some research into essential oils and their effectiveness at increasing fertility and have been using them more in our daily living. More in-depth post to follow soon!DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-67696674694195733332014-06-10T08:33:00.000+12:002014-06-10T08:33:01.709+12:00The Next StepWhen you've been TTC for awhile, oftentimes it can be discouraging. It's discouraging when you don't get a positive result as quick as you thought you might. It's discouraging when month after month, nothing happens. The longer it goes on, the more easily discouraged you can get.<br />
<br />
While you are happy for the friends and family around you who are announcing their pregnancies, having their babies and otherwise making the whole process look ridiculously easy, it's still discouraging.<br />
<br />
When I get phone calls or messages from my family asking when they will be getting a niece or nephew, it's discouraging because I have to say "<i>We're still trying."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
The danger here is to fall into the thought process that makes TTC a chore, a burden and a heartbreaking activity instead of the intimate union between two people who love each other. It is hard work.<br />
<br />
When you get to a certain point, you have to admit to yourself that you may need help to TTC. I came to that point last month and called my doctor to talk about the next step.<br />
<br />
That's a really scary thought. Admitting to more than just yourself and your partner that you may need assistance to conceive is a terrifying thought and a brave step to take. As it is, there are a large number of people who cannot conceive naturally and do need some sort of assistance.<br />
<br />
So I met with my doctor and talked to her. She gave me some information and reassured me that things will be okay. I went away from that appointment with two notes for blood draws on specific days in my cycle as well as a baggie with a container for Ginger to get tested as well. Last Thursday was the day. I got up early and got to the hospital to drop stuff off and get my blood drawn. Of course now the wait is killing me.<br />
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I don't know what it's like in the US, but here in NZ I had to pay for my doctor's appointment, but to get the testing done at the lab, we didn't have to pay anything. I simply showed up with my paper from the doctor and they drew my blood. Oh yeah, what they don't tell you- the woman pulled about 10 vials worth of my blood. She looked at my paper and turned to the wall and just kept pulling vials off the shelf. Laid them all out in front of me and I nervously asked, "How much are you taking today?"<br />
<br />
"Oh, only about 30 milliliters." (Only about 2 tablespoons).<br />
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Still, having those vials lined up one after another with my blood in them sure looked like more than 2 tablespoons.<br />
<br />
So now we wait. If anything shows up, then we'll be able to go from there. But if nothing shows, then it's another six months of trying before my doctor will order an ultrasound and scope out my lady bits. It's a slow process, but I am still young and there's still a high chance of us conceiving on our own within 2 years. So here's to waiting and the next step, whatever that may be.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-42516628478582577032014-05-19T08:15:00.002+12:002014-05-19T08:15:23.969+12:00DreamsI had a really vivid dream last night.<br />
<br />
It was Mother's Day, probably 12-14 years in the future. Ginger had brought in the gifts from our kids and I was looking at them before going to see my children. I had 5 children. Five beautiful, growing, healthy, bright, smart children. Close in age like I wanted, but just a couple more than we are planning on. 2 girls, 3 boys.<br />
<br />
In my dream, I knew it was a dream, and my heart ached for these children.<br />
<br />
Then it was the next day, a school day. We were outside waiting for their various buses to arrive and pick them up. Ginger came out of the house and started smoking ciggies with the neighbour. I found that appalling (and relieved to know he'd never smoke in real life) and felt annoyed and unsatisfied with him in general. This was a terrible feeling, I never want to feel that way about my soulmate. Silly dream.<br />
<br />
While waiting for the buses to pick up my children, I took care to watch each of them, trying to imprint them into my memory. I failed, all I have are impressions of each of these dream children. The oldest is a girl- Erika, she reminds me a lot of myself. Dark hair, bold older sister approach. Henry James, the second youngest, blonde, bright boy with glasses. I like that name, Henry James. I never thought about it before, but in my dream it was like the name was being shouted at me. So that's going on my list of names for my sons.<br />
<br />
Another son was in a wheelchair. With the work I do, I have come into contact with a few children who are handicapped and this has always been a thought of mine. What would I do if I have a child who has special needs? In my dream future, I do have a son like this. He is precious and I spent time in my dream kneeling down to talk to him and watch his face for a smile. It makes me cry now.<br />
<br />
The buses came, the children left, but my second daughter came running back (ah the magic of dreams and the power to deny logic). She had found a packet at a shop containing a bit of lace that I had been wanting. She gave it to her dad and Ginger brought it to me. I knew what I would use that lace for, a pretty skirt for my baby girl.<br />
<br />
<br />
And that was it...that was my dream this morning. Ginger came and woke me up before he left and I woke up sad that the dream had ended and I couldn't see my children behind my closed eyes. My heart aches for these children I don't have and I wonder if someday I'll be standing with them outside the driveway waiting for their buses to arrive and take them to school. I wonder if I'll ever meet my children.<br />
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It's a terrible thing to want something so much and not know if you'll ever get it. As we go into cycle 10 of TTC, I get more and more scared that something is wrong with either myself or Ginger. I shouldn't worry about it too much, but I do. Part of me really wants to call my doctor and seeing about scheduling testing next month if it doesn't happen this cycle, but then I'm scared to find out. The unknown is almost less scary that the known.<br />
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<br />DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-51530712217931362352014-05-07T21:16:00.007+12:002014-05-07T21:16:59.608+12:00Race Day ResultsWell, the weekend has come and gone and nearly come again. This past weekend Ginger and I ran our 5K race we had been training for. It went by very quickly and I was really proud of myself and what I accomplished that day.<br />
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We woke up early and got dressed and ate before heading into town to check in and wait for our starting time of 9:30 a.m.<br />
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Once the race started, we were off and I was determined to run as much as I could and to finish before the people who were registered as walkers for the 5K. I knew I wasn't a fast runner and I wouldn't come close to winning, but I wanted to finish it in under 45 minutes.<br />
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I finished the race in 39:04, Ginger was about half a minute faster. He could have finished it in well under half an hour, but he wanted to run with me. Awwww.<br />
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After the race, I got really sore and tired. But I have recovered and am back on the job of exercise and weight loss. See ya next week!<br />
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<br />DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-5979585279871602352014-04-26T19:10:00.003+12:002014-04-26T19:10:53.165+12:00National Infertility Awareness WeekSo I found out that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week in the USA. A friend of mine from college posted this beautiful blog post concerning infertility. I don't know if I am infertile, I've not had any testing done. What I do know is I've been trying to conceive for 9 cycles now and I still have no baby. It's never somewhere I thought I would be and reading about other people who struggle to conceive makes me realize that I'm not alone. We are not alone. We should not be ignored, our struggles should be shared in love and care, and our support comes from all over the world. So from the land of the long white cloud, I shout out my support to all couples struggling to conceive, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed infertile. Here's excerpts from my friend's post:<br />
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Also here is a link to her blog:<br />
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<a href="http://love-found-us.blogspot.co.nz/">Love Found Us</a>. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Dear Friend,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">So you're infertile, eh? Isn't that such a gross word? I feel like we should be so far beyond that word in this day & age but nope, we're stuck with it. What's annoying is that there are just as many infertile men in the U.S. but no one associates that word with them. Being infertile is like this HUGE word anchored to our uteruses sinking us deeper & deeper into despair. It's cold and clinical and even saying 'being infertile' makes me cringe because if I</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><em>had </em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">the option I would just 'be' something else like maybe, you know, fertile. For some reason the word has become embarrassing in our society. We whisper it to people when they ask us why we don't have kids. Often we don't want to admit that we are & end up saying things like, "in God's timing..." or "one day, we'll see!" </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqauO15cTE5l3Oe9UyuAVRYK6Qr5flhfgRNx4xfbXMr82xYJU5dRyrnTj-MDvBqzFJ8qH56AXoSbOnELL2jarp5TRnXwiROcuRyipKxtHuBlS1dgwiW1TkU1VslDogtylGVMM456WIz_I/s1600/infertile4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="color: #87a27d; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqauO15cTE5l3Oe9UyuAVRYK6Qr5flhfgRNx4xfbXMr82xYJU5dRyrnTj-MDvBqzFJ8qH56AXoSbOnELL2jarp5TRnXwiROcuRyipKxtHuBlS1dgwiW1TkU1VslDogtylGVMM456WIz_I/s1600/infertile4.JPG" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0976562) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0976562) 1px 1px 5px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">.......</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">I promise one day you'll get to a point where you will accept it. You don't have to be happy about it, but acceptance is freeing. Whether you choose to not parent a child, pursue reproductive therapy or adopt, choose the path that makes you happy. Know that you belong to a community of so many women that know your struggle & are there to help you through it. Together, we're capable of more than we know.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkkO2lyZKBh3RwuWITKf2L2GGyfnA_FNdsZ6EuvKjskjTjqHuqWuNhLEreInws2ZmI5YpxoJI615h4IKOd7VX5tklLqmZPI5-yqC5wz4qsEV2dqCZUNrB2rHJzsFrk9IPmS_BMpsR6zno/s1600/infertile5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="color: #87a27d; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkkO2lyZKBh3RwuWITKf2L2GGyfnA_FNdsZ6EuvKjskjTjqHuqWuNhLEreInws2ZmI5YpxoJI615h4IKOd7VX5tklLqmZPI5-yqC5wz4qsEV2dqCZUNrB2rHJzsFrk9IPmS_BMpsR6zno/s1600/infertile5.JPG" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0976562) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(236, 236, 236); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0976562) 1px 1px 5px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Don't give up, ok?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">With Love,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Infertile Myrtle</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #5b5b5b; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-2219272366409729132014-04-20T14:51:00.001+12:002014-04-20T14:51:44.935+12:00The Big SecretThere is something no one talks about when talking about starting a family. There's a big secret surrounding the journey towards a family of more than 2.<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5383xyS_zLEICPxjU1ExQgPd0lRnbeppFCoGcJixUY7bUxeZPPpk6f4xTsJvt7qg6_GrzhzLfa70KOcpOOGIzqXWKRPRaxCFly9rY_h6G8fLiVlSo-vcLcyVBnkVpJ6Zz5Hgd21fXBjw/s1600/DSC_0006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5383xyS_zLEICPxjU1ExQgPd0lRnbeppFCoGcJixUY7bUxeZPPpk6f4xTsJvt7qg6_GrzhzLfa70KOcpOOGIzqXWKRPRaxCFly9rY_h6G8fLiVlSo-vcLcyVBnkVpJ6Zz5Hgd21fXBjw/s1600/DSC_0006.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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The big secret I'm talking about?</div>
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How hard and heartbreaking this journey can actually be (and often is for a large percentage of couples).</div>
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At first you're really excited about going off the Pill, or whatever form of contraception has been used in the relationship prior to this point. You start each day thinking, "This could be it. It could be the last month before we're expecting."</div>
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Then you start dreaming about how you'll tell your partner when that test comes up positive.</div>
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<i>Full disclosure here: I bought a little book to give Ginger when I get a positive test result. I also may have a box of baby things and a secret board on Pinterest where I post important things for when we have a little one.</i></div>
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Yeah, I'm really wanting a kiddo.</div>
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Then those dreams grow to how you'll tell the family after the first trimester <i>(I was planning on a cute Christmas card to both sets of grandparents...rhyming poem and all.)</i> </div>
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Then you start to doubt decisions for future plans. i.e.- <i>Maybe we can't go to Hamner Springs because I won't be able to get into the hot pools. Maybe I'll have bad morning sickness and we shouldn't go on a trip 5 hours away in two months.</i></div>
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Seriously, it just escalates. </div>
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Until you reach the breaking point. That point for me was this morning. </div>
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I was convinced the last 24 hours that this could be it (not that I have any symptoms- I stopped symptom spotting months ago). My temperature was still crazy high, when it should have dropped by now, and I had a really vivid dream about taking a test. So with my temperature still high today, at 13DPO, I thought, let's do this and check. And nothing. That last test I had in the house that I had been holding onto for months now. Big Fat Negative.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7bJjAYrBDUGHasTa2HPFfpZ_F7jaqTbVhH12E0NZx5jJwkHANVmWLms5d1iqYoQCVynVm99KAF5pckOrUdLC5qZqv1rfcZhr9jpXM3zFsDzMf4wt3A28oUToWJZjPp-JF9nilCKha4vg/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7bJjAYrBDUGHasTa2HPFfpZ_F7jaqTbVhH12E0NZx5jJwkHANVmWLms5d1iqYoQCVynVm99KAF5pckOrUdLC5qZqv1rfcZhr9jpXM3zFsDzMf4wt3A28oUToWJZjPp-JF9nilCKha4vg/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
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Then it hit me, this was the last month where we could have had a baby this year. This was it. There's not going to be a Baby Brooks in 2014. </div>
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I was pretty quiet about it after I went back to bed, but it was eating at me. I told Ginger on the way to church and cried a little bit. 8 cycles without anything is hard to deal with. I just don't know how I'm going to make it through to September if we still can't get this down right. </div>
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Our timing is good, I'm eating better, exercising more and taking my vitamins, but damn, it really sucks that even with all this going in our favour, there's still only a 20% chance of it happening each month. </div>
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So these are my fears. And as every cycle brings me closer to 31 years old, I am slowly freaking out more and more. It's not every day, and not even every other day. But there are days where I am scared this isn't going to happen.</div>
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I know my husband's fears here too- I know he is afraid of what infertility might do to our relationship. He knows how much I want to be a mother and how if we can't do it naturally, we won't really be able to afford anything else to help us. So this is it. If it doesn't happen, what happens to us?</div>
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I told him this morning, through tears, that even if we can't have a family, I'm sticking with him. I know that helped him.</div>
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He then told me that I can have lots of dogs if we can't have kids. That made me laugh. I'll be the crazy dog lady. That wouldn't be too bad.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9XB9LoVfawJxZwON8WK2L5oEVLdRGcB2zcMEJpCrTuCVCZLtfxRzh8X-TJI07zKOvf9bXmVf_wJGAP_eoomEiM7Yj8ciHno-cG1-SsBx_W1jAXSqnYzR7GOWmVKleUGHJTjVQzxpwKwk/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9XB9LoVfawJxZwON8WK2L5oEVLdRGcB2zcMEJpCrTuCVCZLtfxRzh8X-TJI07zKOvf9bXmVf_wJGAP_eoomEiM7Yj8ciHno-cG1-SsBx_W1jAXSqnYzR7GOWmVKleUGHJTjVQzxpwKwk/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpg" height="67" width="320" /></a></div>
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So what do we do with the fear of how TTC could destroy us? Let it out, speak the words and hold each other a little closer. Because we are in this together and no matter the outcome, we'll still come out on the other side together.</div>
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DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-17439014736442980582014-04-14T13:15:00.002+12:002014-04-14T13:15:57.335+12:00Re-Fit to Pregnancy: Monday StatsI haven't been on here for a couple of weeks. It's been rough. Fell off the wagon and trying to get back on it is hard. I want to be better, but I have to admit that sometimes I'm not able to keep going. But here are the stats, as of this morning, and we'll jump back into getting healthy and kicking butt to this extra padding I have been carrying around.<br />
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Arm: 13 inches (still)<br />
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Bust: 43 inches<br />
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Waist: 36.5 inches<br />
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Hips: 46 inches<br />
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Thigh: 26 inches (only one that went down)<br />
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The only good thing I guess is that my weight has been steady for the last two weeks. At 91 kg, I'm happy I've not ballooned up again. But I'm still 17 kg off of where I want to be. So we're jumping back into running (still training for that 5K in May) and I'm starting a new monthly challenge: it's an ab workout challenge. It's another find from Pinterest and I'll start that as I finish up my 200 Squat challenge.<br />
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In regards to the plank challenge- I quit it. I quit it hard. I made it up to 90 seconds (never solidly through, I had to stop a couple of times each time I tried it) and couldn't do more. Good news though is that the abs challenge I'm starting does planking as well, so I'll keep working on my plank.<br />
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I need to remember my ultimate goal: to be fit and healthy to be a mother. I don't want my kids to suffer the way I do because of food and my relationship with it. My relationship with food is unhealthy, and I'm working on it.<br />
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The food plan from Skinny Chicks Don't Eat Salads is hard to follow sometimes. There's so much more food prep involved, but I'm not having cravings for sweets quite so often (as long as I stick with the plan). I was a bit slack about it the last few days, but I can't give up on it. I can do better for myself. So here's to another Manic Monday and the decision to keep fighting for a healthier me and a brighter future.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-27251950352839009222014-04-03T11:09:00.001+13:002014-04-03T11:09:09.012+13:00Book Review: Skinny ChicksA few weeks ago, I picked up a book at the library and thumbed through it. I thought, "Hey, this looks okay, I should give this a go." A week later I actually started reading it and it blew my mind.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfQntdXT5sCVZFGvheqnydtjwpsgOpx9qh_DgnP74n14RF-UlqYI_9kxAhkfpVGi-1b1iNvkD5_xVdJypAizOqOW430LLVWMqbME57bT7B5d_mi-mvSEgMpAlst9-a-rUwSk3wDxLo1O0/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfQntdXT5sCVZFGvheqnydtjwpsgOpx9qh_DgnP74n14RF-UlqYI_9kxAhkfpVGi-1b1iNvkD5_xVdJypAizOqOW430LLVWMqbME57bT7B5d_mi-mvSEgMpAlst9-a-rUwSk3wDxLo1O0/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image via: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Skinny-Chicks-Dont-Eat-Salads/dp/B003GAMZZE">Skinny Chicks</a></td></tr>
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First off, the writer, Christine, writes in such a way that makes it easy (and funny) to read. She breaks down the information of her lifestyle food plan in a way that is simple to understand. When the boys I nanny asked me about this book, I told them about how she wrote about eating a whole cake in the middle of the night. They laughed and then told their mother they wanted to do the same.<br />
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Christine shared her own struggles with sugar addiction and carb cravings and really made it clear to me that what I struggle with is the same thing. Finally understanding that what I was eating was causing greater problems than I realised was the wake-up call I needed.<br />
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The flow of the book introduces the problem that many women have when it comes to dieting and trying to lose weight. She talks about the fad diets and why they don't work. She then takes each part of the food plan she follows and explains in detail why we should be doing this and what it does for our body. She builds it up so by the middle of the book, you're wanting to know what the food plan actually, literally is. This is the point where she shows a food plan to get started on (easily followed and substituted since I can't get certain items of food here in NZ) and even provides recipes for the meals that aren't terribly common.<br />
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Another aspect to this book is the stories from other women who participated in a 10 week program for the publication of this book. Their journeys are chronicled throughout the book to show you what is possible with this plan. I hesitate to call it a diet because she hesitates to call it a diet. I'm not cutting things out, I'm not starving myself. I'm simply changing how I look at food and what I put into my mouth.<br />
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The gist of it is to eat every 4 hours upon waking. For a typical day that means 4 meals. I've been doing this since Saturday (so 5 days now) and I have to admit I struggle to eat that much food. Four meals is a lot. But I feel more energetic, don't have sugar cravings between meals, and am sleeping better. I started this and got my husband on board too. Since he's not trying to lose weight, he's eating a bit more than I am, but he's not coming home starving from work or needing a snack at 10pm every night now. I'd say that's a win.<br />
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Each meal we have has 3 elements: protein, carbs and healthy fats. (Okay, sometimes not-so-healthy fats). Instead of having to weigh and measure out all the food, I can use my hands to get the right sizes. Protein should be about the size of your palm. Lean proteins win the game. So we've been having a lot of chicken. That's okay though because you can do so much with chicken! The carbs should be whole-grains and/or fruits and veggies. The portion for these should be about the size of your closed fist with your other hand wrapped around it. That's a big portion- this is where I struggle. Fats can come from olive oil for cooking, light spread, or some nuts or seeds used in the cooking.<br />
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There are also suggestions for what to order if you're out for a meal. This is great since my go-to has always been a cheeseburger and fries. Knowing that I can still get takeaway (although maybe not fish and chips for awhile) is a nice bonus.<br />
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It's been an interesting transition for us. I am forced to think more about the meals for the next day and prep everything for Ginger before I go to bed as he leaves before me in the morning. More prep, a bit more dishes, but I'm not having to cut everything I love out of our meal plan. I can still have cake if I want it. I can still have pizza (that's on the menu for tonight).<br />
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So if you're looking for a funny, light read about changing the way you look at food, I highly recommend Skinny Chicks Don't Eat Salads. If you, like me, struggle with emotional eating and a strong addiction to fast, greasy, cheesy and sugary foods, please pick this book up and consider what you're doing to yourself. Your body deserves to eat good food and feel better. I know mine is thanking me for this, and yours will too.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-1279753070555245352014-03-24T14:03:00.003+13:002014-03-24T14:03:48.010+13:00Re-fit to Pregnancy: Update 3Well, I'm back around this week for my check-in. In review, this week hasn't been as good as it could have been. I did more snacking than I should have and ate a few more cookies than necessary. Another week, another chance to get better. I've been exercising pretty well though, and I think that is helping a lot.<br />
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Arms: 14 inches (lost half an inch)<br />
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Bust: 43 (another half inch gone)<br />
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Waist: 37.5 (down one inch)<br />
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Hips: 46 (down half an inch)<br />
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Thigh: 27.5 (lost 1.5 inches)<br />
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Weight: 92.5 kg<br />
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The winner this week are my thigh measurements. When I started out it was at 29 inches. Last week I lost nothing on my thigh, but this week it took a plunge! I bet it's because I've been doing running 3x a week.<br />
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Overall, not a great week, but not a terrible one either. I just need to work a little bit harder.<br />
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I started reading a book from the library this weekend. I'm going to review it once I've finished it, but it's called Skinny Chicks Don't Eat Salads. It's a really good read, actually, and I'm learning a lot about what I should be doing regarding my food and will be implementing it once I've finished the book.<br />
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<i>What have you found this week to be inspirational?</i>DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-85912059458340599762014-03-23T18:21:00.003+13:002014-03-23T18:21:43.167+13:00On Body ImageHave you ever wondered what it's like to be one of those people who looks in the mirror and sees something completely different to the reflection? Well, I'm one of them. It's weird. It has been a problem for me for a number of years, and not in the way you expect.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMa8bT8Bth0dpAm0FPHcEhF1NWLqp82hO_rzZw8fkCKjplfD5eSaV-7WuSkIyz-9bgTdr9f1IQ0MNK2396nPRDijHTSSTm62D6O8XaSbYlsV3rnbNaeuxs-56g3eD_pmgTKdyIbC-rOWY/s1600/12917-1_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMa8bT8Bth0dpAm0FPHcEhF1NWLqp82hO_rzZw8fkCKjplfD5eSaV-7WuSkIyz-9bgTdr9f1IQ0MNK2396nPRDijHTSSTm62D6O8XaSbYlsV3rnbNaeuxs-56g3eD_pmgTKdyIbC-rOWY/s1600/12917-1_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the normal body image issue.</td></tr>
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I look in a mirror and don't see myself fatter than I am. I see myself better than I am. I know I am curvy and have giant boobs and have too much weight around my stomach. I know it because I feel it. I feel the way my jeans cut in and the way my underwear rolls down because my stomach is too big. I know it because every few months I have to shop for a few things because my clothes don't fit anymore. I know because I choose to wear sweatpants and yoga pants more often than I do a dress. But I look in the mirror and I don't see that.<br />
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How weird is this?<br />
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I see it in pictures of myself that others take. I see what I should see when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I almost get a glimpse of myself, my real self in the mirror when I'm not concentrating, but that's all I get. A glimpse.<br />
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So this means I have been in denial for years about my weight.<br />
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When I moved to New Zealand in 2010, I had been living quite a healthy lifestyle. Yoga, gluten-free, lots of walking/biking. At that point I was at 82 kg and pretty happy with the route I was going. My goal then was 75 kg and I knew I could get there.<br />
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And here I am 93 kg almost four years later and I never got closer to that 75 then when I first landed here. Oops.<br />
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Today I came across a website called <a href="http://modelmydiet.com/women/tracker.html?cb=263684721316">Model My Diet</a> and it creates an image of you based on your measurements and body type. It also can create a model for your goal weight. Pretty cool for someone who can't imagine her current body image.<br />
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So here I am, as the program projects me. It's probably pretty close to reality.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWMeHoJ7czOG6DlIg0xCyJfPZiRVF-Y1WxpO602TnzIsde2qpG5hUeUBy4ZSoAB6EhnZqGqwk_gyfwl38hFZKTUhplgvso3KLlTFabBtoDQom0VKonKsouwJJhfUdCPKVbZdsR8ZsQMjk/s1600/weight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWMeHoJ7czOG6DlIg0xCyJfPZiRVF-Y1WxpO602TnzIsde2qpG5hUeUBy4ZSoAB6EhnZqGqwk_gyfwl38hFZKTUhplgvso3KLlTFabBtoDQom0VKonKsouwJJhfUdCPKVbZdsR8ZsQMjk/s1600/weight.jpg" height="320" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't look too bad here.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhelp1zKGV4-zsPC1DSVdntegAA-fpcoe10AdfFo8rgBcTchzVpmzkxUbuzr3VS_c9zXtEDyJl3_M86GSAizcgCKvX6a-E5_-I9AtQRX7HlmvRlMEK2-dMvdKCM6h9kKtKTYuIS1hGxlmg/s1600/weight2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhelp1zKGV4-zsPC1DSVdntegAA-fpcoe10AdfFo8rgBcTchzVpmzkxUbuzr3VS_c9zXtEDyJl3_M86GSAizcgCKvX6a-E5_-I9AtQRX7HlmvRlMEK2-dMvdKCM6h9kKtKTYuIS1hGxlmg/s1600/weight2.jpg" height="320" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh wait, there's the problem.</td></tr>
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Seeing this shows me where I know I'm carrying my weight. But now I can see it. I mean, I can feel it too, but pictures help. I'm not brave enough to take pictures of myself in any state of undress for weight loss (besides, it didn't help anyway).<br />
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So that is at my current weight.<br />
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Here is my goal weight model.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvSLs1DFTYeLO3ZYiuIxZYRpzczzNuwIq_IjfrCAnX_Kn3a8Q4694b3lvlLWnyn2J4uPuFJ39EjRRQPF-_tFkMpCgCfYrKb89oNLaweoN64RKvBAD_qYFje03i64GedO76WxtSL4_8WU/s1600/weightgoal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvSLs1DFTYeLO3ZYiuIxZYRpzczzNuwIq_IjfrCAnX_Kn3a8Q4694b3lvlLWnyn2J4uPuFJ39EjRRQPF-_tFkMpCgCfYrKb89oNLaweoN64RKvBAD_qYFje03i64GedO76WxtSL4_8WU/s1600/weightgoal.jpg" height="320" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yep, still curvy.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVFVn__YU_aeRmBkbCSRsx9XQaddzcDvX5a33ZVp2AeAJlfGLRamR1jXbjwi_z91dkOKN1jDiKxWkPqtiMhNog6YFTkWSz7_fCFEUVtI5BplpA687xF1oxoUHf-NuAlFJeQP7VnesESHA/s1600/weightgoal2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVFVn__YU_aeRmBkbCSRsx9XQaddzcDvX5a33ZVp2AeAJlfGLRamR1jXbjwi_z91dkOKN1jDiKxWkPqtiMhNog6YFTkWSz7_fCFEUVtI5BplpA687xF1oxoUHf-NuAlFJeQP7VnesESHA/s1600/weightgoal2.jpg" height="320" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Much more reasonable.</td></tr>
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This was a fun little exercise to do while drinking my water today. (I was out for a bbq lunch and realized on my way home that I've not had any of my 2 liters of water today...I had a 6 ounce glass of tea and 1 pint of cider...oops again). I'm drinking a lot of water to get rid of my headache that I have got since I haven't had enough water today.<br />
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Just for giggles I plugged in what I would look like at 54 kg.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzwOWbGswWVPTSZDzfua_JKKlZMBKMh0IcHkcY7tOBbHEEmz8beDOGMkYoWby_xQCr-5uY-etYvLtWmGyXQsrAYJ3BOY96hyJ0TFEI0spnLU2DIo3ZDXLrFYLJOa48ZzE63XdErPFoezQ/s1600/3377085e74c070b7997ab2840c5fd4578d3ac9986e5ebbf602907c189c7c11ad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzwOWbGswWVPTSZDzfua_JKKlZMBKMh0IcHkcY7tOBbHEEmz8beDOGMkYoWby_xQCr-5uY-etYvLtWmGyXQsrAYJ3BOY96hyJ0TFEI0spnLU2DIo3ZDXLrFYLJOa48ZzE63XdErPFoezQ/s1600/3377085e74c070b7997ab2840c5fd4578d3ac9986e5ebbf602907c189c7c11ad.jpg" height="320" width="143" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The last time I was this small was when I hit puberty. 17 years ago.</td></tr>
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Trying to find a healthy body image of myself is hard work. Especially when the mirror doesn't match up to reality. What have you done to change your self image?DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-1468742481852683412014-03-21T21:12:00.001+13:002014-03-21T21:12:22.098+13:00What's Helping MeFor the first time in my life (basically), I've been following a workout and diet regime without dropping it in the first week. I'm now at a week and a half into this lifestyle change and I've noticed a few things that have been helping me stay strong with it.<br />
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1- Being able to truthfully check off the daily workout on the printout on the fridge. I love checking things off lists (and making them).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpjj0vmDSZnlxvEhtdWt0Kld5qFJwZcAjzjRP8njdaQWMWVAUwPutgoInA2JFDH5KTIPDaDHCETisYQBh7sMQGwDj-Gpq-qTj33YAuFbdYMkAlyYtRK8MaaGGQ2GRSJyriI4doW4hn4BI/s1600/list.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpjj0vmDSZnlxvEhtdWt0Kld5qFJwZcAjzjRP8njdaQWMWVAUwPutgoInA2JFDH5KTIPDaDHCETisYQBh7sMQGwDj-Gpq-qTj33YAuFbdYMkAlyYtRK8MaaGGQ2GRSJyriI4doW4hn4BI/s1600/list.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gotta love The Office</td></tr>
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2- Having a partner to keep cheering me on. I can get all the derogatory remarks from other people, but I need a cheerleader. Ginger has been great in asking if I've done my workout for the day and supporting me in this. This has been a huge help so far. I even got Ginger to go running with me tonight! Woohoo!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoPxLOkaJn-zb5QSv3yiR2A-c-1k1Hz4tU95XXYTX0TulzU_gsVH7vo4ngzzhlKSlX6ZiMjH_IyItOG48wd-59holnMfAZjXqcX0nluaiLSbZt4eXljMFjXTE7OIsrt4jksL2KUfjyorY/s1600/cheer.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoPxLOkaJn-zb5QSv3yiR2A-c-1k1Hz4tU95XXYTX0TulzU_gsVH7vo4ngzzhlKSlX6ZiMjH_IyItOG48wd-59holnMfAZjXqcX0nluaiLSbZt4eXljMFjXTE7OIsrt4jksL2KUfjyorY/s1600/cheer.gif" height="306" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Funny story, Ginger actually does fire-stick twirling. It's super cool. Not like this.</td></tr>
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3- This blog is helping too. I feel like I don't want to lie to you guys either, so I'm pushing myself so I can make a good honest report on Mondays.<br />
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4- I do the majority of the grocery shopping for us and I'm getting better about resisting my sugar fizzy drinks and chocolate biscuits from the supermarket (not that I don't wish I could have them, because man, the craving gets bad). I had to pick up some items today for us and I resisted getting anything not on the list. I feel better walking out of the supermarket knowing I didn't fall to temptation. It doesn't always happen, but that feeling is nice. I'm cheering myself on when I make a good food choice.<br />
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So as I'm sitting here, reflecting on my progress so far, and feeling the quiver in my legs telling me I worked out effectively today, I can smile a little bit.<br />
<br />
<i>What have you found to help keep you on the lean and healthy track?</i>DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-58897107129470242992014-03-17T08:33:00.002+13:002014-03-17T08:35:25.508+13:00Re-fit to Pregnancy: Monday Weigh In, Part 2Well, it's been a week since I got semi-serious about my health. Actually, it's been a pretty good week. I managed to complete all of my daily exercises and decided to start training for a 5K. First run is tonight.<br />
<br />
So today's weigh-in:<br />
<br />
I managed to lose a few inches in this week, I wonder if it's due to losing water weight and eating better. I'll take it though!<br />
<br />
Arms: 14.5 (no change)<br />
<br />
Bust: 43.5 (lost half an inch)<br />
<br />
Waist: 38.5 (lost 2.5 inches!)<br />
<br />
Hips: 46.5 (lost 1 inch)<br />
<br />
Thigh: 29 (didn't change)<br />
<br />
Weight: 93 kg (down 1 kilo!)<br />
<br />
I have gotten better about drinking 2 litres of water every day and working more vegetables into my diet, but it's still hard some days. I had a bad day on Saturday- got a freezer pizza for lunch from the shop and downed that baby like it was going out of style. Oops.<br />
<br />
I didn't get any yoga in this week. It was a frantic week of gardening before the cyclone hit on the weekend, so I blame that. But really, it's just that I didn't want to make time for it. I'm hoping I can work in a little bit of yoga in the morning when I get up with Ginger. He goes to work an hour before I do, so I was thinking that if I actually got up at the same time as him, then I could get my Good Morning Yoga Sequence in.<br />
<br />
I don't feel any lighter or better, but taking these measurements proves that what I'm doing is making a difference. Here's to week 2!DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-13546922898475594862014-03-16T16:50:00.004+13:002014-03-16T16:50:34.460+13:00A New ChallengeI have to admit that I particularly hate running. Not mildly, but severely. I really hate running.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN6Bw9eI_1upcU4X-qBKHYF2F_ZO6TH8xDONFH6q7WWE026iufhFfk3tmbNXI0khfziyhj9Ei7Jbj4ePu3o_72Nv4vzRkoSGEm_kA21U5qhwUGZAcgkoyL7L7oMnXT-PtkqO2iYckNxHg/s1600/MjAxMy0wYjdkODRmMjFkOWE0YWNi.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN6Bw9eI_1upcU4X-qBKHYF2F_ZO6TH8xDONFH6q7WWE026iufhFfk3tmbNXI0khfziyhj9Ei7Jbj4ePu3o_72Nv4vzRkoSGEm_kA21U5qhwUGZAcgkoyL7L7oMnXT-PtkqO2iYckNxHg/s1600/MjAxMy0wYjdkODRmMjFkOWE0YWNi.png" height="224" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is true.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I ran cross country for one season when I was in 7th grade. That was bad. I was bad. The mascots for the other schools still beat me (they were kids who were too young to be on the team, but who apparently LOVED running). So what does my tirade on running have to do with anything?<br />
<br />
Well, I'm 30 years old and I have decided to run my first (and probably last) race as an adult. I'm going to run in a 5K the first weekend in May. I might be crazy. I'm probably crazy, but it's a good challenge. I tried to do the Couch to 5K program a couple of years ago, but dropped it because I didn't like it. So I'm brushing it off and starting it tomorrow (can't today as there's a cyclone here). I'm going to do this. Maybe I'm choosing this because I feel like blogging will keep me accountable and because a challenge might be good for me.<br />
<br />
I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that my health and weight may be stopping us from conceiving, so I'm determined to finally do something about it. If this isn't enough motivation, then I don't know what is.<br />
<br />
So when the time comes, I'm going to be running a 5K race. I'll probably look like this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYe1O_dfINtR0B_HaV0J6R3gT92FQJ7TaNmTymwkVWQ3FDfYAoYepr-p_5oa_NHIZZSZTqPLOVsV9zJ7k7TwhTnLpUfZP_yOl45NgUjBgWZ1uI81xN5Zx5W-uBuweYnhpfF9mMjiv3nlY/s1600/ugly_running_dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYe1O_dfINtR0B_HaV0J6R3gT92FQJ7TaNmTymwkVWQ3FDfYAoYepr-p_5oa_NHIZZSZTqPLOVsV9zJ7k7TwhTnLpUfZP_yOl45NgUjBgWZ1uI81xN5Zx5W-uBuweYnhpfF9mMjiv3nlY/s1600/ugly_running_dog.jpg" height="320" width="248" /></a></div>
<br />
I asked Ginger if he would do it with me, but he was a bit evasive about it. He hurt his back about 10 years ago and hasn't really done any running since then. He may just be waiting for me at the finish line instead. I might see if he will train with me at least a couple times a week and see how he does from there. But how amazing would it be to do this together?<br />
<br />
PS-I'm the slowest runner in the world. But if I can finish this, then I'll be happy with that.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-86754480972199526242014-03-10T10:54:00.003+13:002014-03-10T10:54:47.988+13:00Re-Fit to Pregnancy: Monday Weigh InOne thing I feel that has been holding me back on getting pregnant is my health. Let me be honest here, I love food and I hate exercise. Really hate it. I've pretty much always hated it. I go through spurts of healthy living where I practice yoga, go for walks and eat better, but then I fall back into my old habits of salty, sweet and sugary drinks. It's a vicious cycle and I spend a lot of time beating myself up over it. Which leads me back to those sweets and drinks.<br />
<br />
I am an emotional eater.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBOy_qx1dIvqLdYQUWsHiiFN0DujrSMJz6zRtW4y9R2KhQEgvtXysClQEFMVvgjc9MUNODcn9HPIcVoYVHey620qQ3f7rEHmLrpie4tSQ0vwzZKjUYssGJTr_AQeyT9xi5KgXM-6LSul8/s1600/stressed_is_desserts_spelled_backwards-570x370.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBOy_qx1dIvqLdYQUWsHiiFN0DujrSMJz6zRtW4y9R2KhQEgvtXysClQEFMVvgjc9MUNODcn9HPIcVoYVHey620qQ3f7rEHmLrpie4tSQ0vwzZKjUYssGJTr_AQeyT9xi5KgXM-6LSul8/s1600/stressed_is_desserts_spelled_backwards-570x370.jpg" height="207" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">image via <a href="http://www.changeyourmindbodyhealth.com/blog/emotional-eater/">Change Your Mind Body Health</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
100%, without a doubt, an emotional eater.<br />
<br />
I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm angry. And when I'm upset because I didn't exercise or the number on the scale went up instead of down? You guessed it, I eat. I do this to feel better, which it doesn't do, so then I feel bad and .... yeah, I think you get it.<br />
<br />
How in the world can I break this cycle of emotional eating?<br />
<br />
I've tried purging the house of all bad foods. I've taken pictures of me overweight and plastered them on the walls to encourage myself to stick with it. I've done meal preps and exercised a lot and still here I am, 20 kgs overweight.<br />
<br />
But this time I have something more tangible waiting for me. I really want to be a mom and have a baby. My health (or current lack thereof) is quite possibly the roadblock standing in my way. I won't know until I do something about it. So I'm trying, again. Little goals to start out with though, I can't do big changes without crashing and burning.<br />
<br />
I'm drinking 2 liters of water a day.<br />
<br />
I'm starting a 30 day challenge to plank in addition to a 30 day Squat challenge.<br />
<br />
I'm riding my bike to work once a week (that's about 6km total for the day).<br />
<br />
I'm going to do 45 minutes of yoga twice a week.<br />
<br />
I'm changing my breakfast to smoothies made at home (I'm going to post about that soon).<br />
<br />
And that's what I'm starting with. If I do more, then that's great, but I have to start somewhere and this is where I start.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTpoa87LnsogsCo47ot2POq1RmLsNAngGtIZMOjk9_M_enWzSxBy0dhmmkFV3dyiEhHTdI6XnuUo8VZlWYPmg6GJly5ISscK39HKGGGPDSprkt6lBTk-8jqw0YW7o8jJ4zuC9Lq7-iWFc/s1600/DSC_0223.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTpoa87LnsogsCo47ot2POq1RmLsNAngGtIZMOjk9_M_enWzSxBy0dhmmkFV3dyiEhHTdI6XnuUo8VZlWYPmg6GJly5ISscK39HKGGGPDSprkt6lBTk-8jqw0YW7o8jJ4zuC9Lq7-iWFc/s1600/DSC_0223.jpg" height="400" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is me, two weeks ago. All 94 kg. of me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
So today's weigh in and measurements:<br />
<br />
Weight: 94 kg.<br />
<br />
Bust: 44 inches<br />
<br />
Waist: 41 inches<br />
<br />
Hips: 47.5 inches<br />
<br />
Upper arms: 14.5 inches<br />
<br />
Upper thigh: 29 inches<br />
<br />
Height: 5 feet 4 inches (I don't expect that to change).<br />
<br />
<b>Goal: 74 kg.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
What suggestions do you have to making healthier lifestyle choices?DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-35392101202503082142014-03-06T21:31:00.000+13:002014-03-06T21:31:00.749+13:00AnniversaryLast week was our one year anniversary for our wedding. I can't believe it's been a whole year. We've been busy. Working at home, travelling to the USA, working, gardening, getting chickens (and learning how to raise them), having a mental breakdown when the work got to be too much.<br />
<br />
Yeah, you get the idea.<br />
<br />
Time flies so fast the older we get. It's scary, man. Really terrifying. I'm 30 years old, my husband, Ginger, is 32. I still forget quite often that I'm no longer in my 20s and allowed to act the way I do sometimes. Other days, I feel like I'm in my 50s. I guess that's just how it goes.<br />
<br />
So on our anniversary, we had a nice dinner, listened to the music from our wedding reception, watched our wedding video on the computer while snuggling in bed. I am so glad we found a student to do our video for us. I love that we can watch that video and see and hear our vows once again. I loved all the pictures we got of the wedding and the memories, but man, that video kills it all.<br />
<br />
Also, year old wedding cake? Pretty tasty.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4-ks98oKCATqmIbJTHLW2T5ZSuyuuudvmdX76TKHNrakTfcx1bc77K8B2TcDzByRbrBpG1PBBODwDjokRbFw8hiWiuYrKvxIXf1ab5aP1Y9iJ2ZozwwP7b2-u0CNgCrzQ5MjFqjCUuU/s1600/DSCN8202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4-ks98oKCATqmIbJTHLW2T5ZSuyuuudvmdX76TKHNrakTfcx1bc77K8B2TcDzByRbrBpG1PBBODwDjokRbFw8hiWiuYrKvxIXf1ab5aP1Y9iJ2ZozwwP7b2-u0CNgCrzQ5MjFqjCUuU/s1600/DSCN8202.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the table set for dinner. Wild pork and veggies came later.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4fho6LAzx-oNr9TUB2qbfQ5YKqybqlXWhudHrTL034EKPwtq0LSjAKw2WJethubQk-KdJmSKBoHiysxfDAeB_qJ5Df6Oq1LYKWR0WVfnSxPWMVUn_kUrojOrlmLoL8pd-IHxlVXdkxZ0/s1600/DSCN8203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4fho6LAzx-oNr9TUB2qbfQ5YKqybqlXWhudHrTL034EKPwtq0LSjAKw2WJethubQk-KdJmSKBoHiysxfDAeB_qJ5Df6Oq1LYKWR0WVfnSxPWMVUn_kUrojOrlmLoL8pd-IHxlVXdkxZ0/s1600/DSCN8203.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The slice of cake we saved. Dark chocolate cake with <br />chocolate ganache and peppermint frosting.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixOeY5NHnIm_IR2qIr2wBAJ3ig_KudvUlkiKgAsUBNWGBByJ_FOEUQw6dPEXlEf-CfM1lfdGqcIqe8FtpHDD3kozjXciivVypVSoeOUXcYSB3Ua_fM-E1V7LYXv3JSWeXPYlg1KGSwR0c/s1600/DSCN8204.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixOeY5NHnIm_IR2qIr2wBAJ3ig_KudvUlkiKgAsUBNWGBByJ_FOEUQw6dPEXlEf-CfM1lfdGqcIqe8FtpHDD3kozjXciivVypVSoeOUXcYSB3Ua_fM-E1V7LYXv3JSWeXPYlg1KGSwR0c/s1600/DSCN8204.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These coloured bottles? I saved them from our wedding and use them often.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-10038407171610263362014-03-05T09:40:00.001+13:002014-03-06T21:08:20.658+13:00Taking ChargeSix months ago, when we decided to start TTC, I never thought I'd be here. I never thought I'd struggle to conceive. I figured I'd get pregnant pretty quickly. <i>Don't we all though?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I said I would just see what would happen for six months before trying any at-home helpers. Haha. I went one month before I started charting.<br />
<br />
Charting has opened my eyes. I can't believe this is something that I wasn't told about as a younger woman. Sure, I took sex education in school, but that basically just scared you into thinking that it took only one sexual encounter to end up pregnant. I mean, seriously. That was the fear as a 16 year old. So I was a virgin until I was 24. <i>Disclaimer, that's not the only reason I wasn't having sex until that age...just probably a big portion of it.</i><br />
<br />
Charting is a tool that gives me the knowledge and thus the power to understand my own body. This body that I was taught was a mysterious turncoat of a residence. Willing and able to deceive me at a moment's notice. But little did I know that by taking my temperature every morning and using a free app on my phone, I would be able to understand, for the first time in 16 years, what my body was doing and why. Mind blown.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8rD3yTAqpZZQUDFgHASDPfp8p-c9Kt97jCpy_7oLsF4SqdsxR0xrmeaVb-2-r1pBfB-N045eTXfT1PV-WFnrfFDr3ZiCJgiZtc3_slPA42PUGgOwHDt5fWoftNy9-QXCdMkmGYpw3078/s1600/tumblr_milc8aZulw1rm49iao1_250.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8rD3yTAqpZZQUDFgHASDPfp8p-c9Kt97jCpy_7oLsF4SqdsxR0xrmeaVb-2-r1pBfB-N045eTXfT1PV-WFnrfFDr3ZiCJgiZtc3_slPA42PUGgOwHDt5fWoftNy9-QXCdMkmGYpw3078/s1600/tumblr_milc8aZulw1rm49iao1_250.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sherlock image via <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So what is the charting thing? Easy. I have an alarm set for 5:30 am on my phone. Every day I wake up, turn off the alarm, pop in my thermometer, doze for a minute until it beeps at me, take it out and go back to bed. When I really wake up, I check the temp and enter it into the Fertility Friend (FF) app on my phone. The app takes care of making the chart and predicting (pretty accurately) when I'm going to ovulate and expect my dear old Aunt Flo to show up. There are a lot of options with FF to aid with TTC, but all I do is the temperature input. I'll not go into how amazing I think it is that our resting body temperature changes due to the hormones in our body and is the only way to confirm ovulation (apart from blood draws). The human body is an amazing thing and I am so glad to know even a little bit more about myself now since I started temping, as it's called.<br />
<br />
So we're at six months trying and I still haven't got it right, obviously, but at least I know myself better and can take some of the anxiety and wondering "Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant?" mantra out of my head for the most part. Here's hoping it doesn't take another six months to get a positive test.<br />
<br />
<br />DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7787714547573931469.post-43816953661751073822014-03-04T20:03:00.001+13:002014-03-04T20:07:50.174+13:00A Hello and a HugI'm not quite sure how to start this post, and this blog.<br />
<br />
It has been on my mind for awhile to blog about our journey towards making a family, this ongoing journey that consumes a lot of my waking hours (and my sleeping ones as well).<br />
<br />
<i>Just bullet point it then...</i>I say to myself, <i>to get the information out there</i>. Sigh.<br />
<br />
~ I'm 30 years old and thought I'd be a mother by now.<br />
~ I've always known I wanted to be a mother.<br />
~ I thought it would be an easy path since my mother had 10 kids in 10 years and my sister got pregnant pretty easily too.<br />
~ I have no idea if I can have children.<br />
~ I am trying to change my lifestyle to help us conceive (Coca Cola be damned.)<br />
~ I am a nanny to two rambunctious boys and auntie to two boys and two girls, whom I love dearly.<br />
~ I live in the country in New Zealand with my husband (Ginger), a dog (Puppy), a moody cat (Miss Glares a lot, MG for short) and three chickens (Boo, Tilly and Pearl).<br />
~ Originally I'm from the USA.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure how to end this introduction.<br />
<br />
Once this post is finished, I plan on tackling the issues of fertility, TTC (trying to conceive), country life in New Zealand and (hopefully) having a baby and raising a family in NZ.<br />
<br />
I hope you stick along for the ride and feel free to comment and dialogue about the posts as I put them up. Ending this with a hug, the only thing that makes me feel better after another unsuccessful cycle.DebinNZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04709462427033006961noreply@blogger.com0